In The Flesh

Is it wrong to want to settle down?

It seems my friend thinks it is.

She said she’d feel caged.

Sh said she wouldn’t want that ring on her finger.

She says she doesn’t wanna have to “think for two.”

I wonder why that is. Maybe it’s because her parents’ marriage isn’t the greatest. But mine wasn’t either. Nowadays, nearly all marriages end in divorce. But I wanna be able to say that I tried. To be able to say that I wanted to make it work. Tried to start a family. Make something of myself. Love unconditionally. Why shouldn’t I give it a shot? I mean I’ve got lots to lose but I also have lots to gain. And not trying at all will make me wonder, Could I have pulled it off? Could I have lived my happily ever after? I wanna know. And if it doesn’t work out, then hey. At least I made an honest attempt at eternal happiness. And if it does, well then patience really is a virtue. Because I’m willing to wait forever for that one man walking on this earth right now that’s going to love me until the day he dies. Love me through rain or shine. Love me when it hurts to feel any emotion. He exists. I can feel it. Commitment shows maturity. At some point in your life, it can’t all be about you. And I don’t want it to be. That’s no way to live. Call me crazy, but I can’t wait to “have to think for two.” I want to have to, actually. I need to have to.

Zayn Malik has a GIRLFRIEND.

I am dead.

I cannot be revived.

Knew this was possible.

How can you be so in love with someone you don’t even know?

Okay, maybe  wasn’t in love with him, but still, it kinda stings…

At least she makes him happy.

I hope she knows what she has, and won’t take him for granted.

I know I’d hold onto him with every fibre of my being if I had him.

Hope you’ve found what your looking for, Zayn… <3

I honestly can’t tell the difference between the two. Is he flirting with me, or is he just super nice? I used to be so good at this kind of thing. I could tell when a guy liked me the minute they started and I was usually right. But, as I got older, and guys got trickier, it became increasingly difficult to read body language. Like the guy I like now. He’s smart, funny, and a little nerdy, but hey, I can’t judge. He talks to me on occasion and he’s always super sweet. Does he like me? Does he just wanna be friends? Is he already in another relationship? I don’t know the answers to any of these good questions. And also a small possibility formed inside me. A weird unexpected feeling rose inside me after hanging out with a friend I’d thought I’d lost. He’s extremely funny and nice and he’s sensitive to girls. (Most girls). I never really got a chance to hang out with him that much, unless Jay was there. And usually he was trying his hardest not to get hit by her. So I tagged along. But we never really talked one on one. Then we hung out today and something inside began… to like him! It’s crazy how the people you sometimes overlook turn out to be the people you develop intimate feelings for. Which isn’t exactly what I would call the relationship between me and… “Texas”. We’re friends and he likes another girl, so I don’t know where that came from. But I’m a sucker for a comedian. And he definitely is one. He makes me laugh barely trying. But he sort of shrugged me off near the end of the day. It punctured a hole in this new-found feeling, and I sort of came back to reality: He’s your friend. He likes another girl. Your other friend had a crush on him not a month ago! That was the kicker. So I stopped myself dead in my tracks. But it scared how easily I fall, and how hurt I an when rejected. I to develop an immunity to this kind of stuff, or I’m gonna be hurt more and more over time. Mr. International is all I’m focused on now. I’m not even gonna tell Jay about him. She’ll just ruin it for me. Like she pretty much ruins everything else. No, I’ll keep this to myself. We’ll see how this pans out. I have to start talking to him more. Become his friend. Gain trust. I have to do this on my own. And I have to start soon, before I’m totally friend-zoned…